Hubby, who is on medication and continues in therapy for his ptsd, recently joined myself, our 3 adult children and our daughter-in-law,in attending my
neice's wedding. I knew, up front, that this would be a stressful occasion for my husband, but I thought we'd be okay...... then came the extra stress.
First, my husband informs me that he had a bad night and barely slept.Then, the hot water heater flooded the basement, which translates into CHAOS!! Oldest son
bailed water while my husband scrambled to get a replacement. (Thankfully it was an evening wedding) As we were preparing to leave, severe thunderstorms
hit,(complete with hail and a tornado). We all ride together to the wedding, with my husband driving.
After the ceremony, the kids were kidding with my husband, in their usual manner, when hubby calls them all a__holes, and tells them to grow up..... thus the stage is set. We drive together to the reception. When we arrive, hubby blasts our middle son for 'talking too much and thinking he knows everything', in front of his siblings and several other wedding guests.
We make it into the building where hubby noticably scans the area and chooses the seat with his back to the wall.
Hubby wore a disgusted look on his face, all during the reception, but said he was just tired. Since they didn't have to drive, and the booze was free, our kids partied with their cousins which added even more stress for us parents. By the time we got home, my daughter-in-law was passed out drunk, and her husband was showing his 'whiskey muscles', as my husband calls it. Hubby tells oldest son that drinking on occassion, is okay but getting passed out drunk is ridiculous, and people need to know their limits.Oldest son interprets this as
criticism of his wife and gets ticked off. Hubby makes a snide remark and goes to his cave, and oldest son stands outside in the street ranting for the next 2 hours to his 23 year old brother about my husband, and everything he's done to our family before he got help for his ptsd and anxiety!!
Whew!!(sorry so wordy) Anyway, I'm left feeling very disturbed about the whole ordeal!! I see the progress my husband has made, because years ago he would've kicked some butt, rather than go to his cave, but he still expresses himself in a way that would tick off even the pope!! At the same time, I see that our oldest son is harboring alot of anger and resentment,as is our middle son. Middle son told me that both boys sort of resent our youngest child, because hubby had gotten help and she did not have to live the insanity that they did.
As for me, I just feel guilt and confusion.. Guilt that they have issues, at all! Like maybe I should've done something different... set limits sooner than I did, in the marriage. Hubby used to be physically abusive to me, with some verbal abuse towards the kids...but I did eventually press charges, which led to his getting help. He has come a long way, and is continuing in his treatment.
I guess I just need a shoulder to cry on, right now.